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Dear San Francisco State University:
You have thousands of students paying thousands of dollars to attend your nifty campus near the Pacific Ocean in the fabulous metropolis that I now call home. You have some interesting programs of study and some notable alumni (Pierre Salinger, Annette Bening, Steven Zaillian and former SF mayor Willie Brown, to name a few).
In light of your impressive credentials as a university, this current education-seeker has a not-so-subtle suggestion, on behalf of all paying students:
I implore you, CLEAN YOUR RESTROOMS! Particularly those in the Humanities building, where I attend approximately 6 hours per week of classes. That's 6 hours during which, depending on my level of caffeine consumption, I may have to visit the restroom once or twice and certainly do not appreciate the vileness of its appearance and scent.
Perhaps the other restrooms on campus are lovingly cleaned and maintained, leaving only a precious few neglected. Bully for you and your maintenance staff. Would it kill them to venture into the Humanities building every now and then? I've grown rather weary of holding my breath so as not to inhale the aroma of fresh coed pee while giving my quads a nice workout as I carefully hover above a wet toilet seat.
Despite having spent many a night at campgrounds and beaches, I can't remember a public restroom quite so repellant as those on your campus. And that's not a distinction I'd imagine a respected university such as yours would aspire to earn.
Yours truly,
A Grossed-Out Tuition-Payer and Bladder-Owner
Posted by ayelet at March 29, 2006 02:59 PMDear SFSU Student,
As a Humanities Major, you are the red-headed stepchild of academia. Whether or not your hair is truly red is of no significance to this forum of discourse. While you are instrumental in keeping this institution running (you read, after all!) you do not generate the revenue we need in order to stay viable. Therefore, we wisely choose to allocate our resources to the cleanliness of our Law and Business Departments, as the students of these departments will answer our pleas when it comes time to sign a check to the alumni association. Since they will be able to deliver monetary contributions after graduation, it is important that their asses are cleaner than yours.
Also, it is in your best interest to keep up the "squat", as most Humanities majors spend most of their time lying around reading, (when they are not smoking dope.) This University has grown tired of you intellectuals, and while you are very necessary in terms of teaching people, you really serve no purpose outside of the classroom. We are trying to alter this paradigm, and one approach that we have adopted is letting you wallow in the filth, muck and bile of your colleagues, so that you understand how worthless you really are. The upshots are that you get in shape with the "squat"; that you consider kicking your caffeine habit; and that you transfer to a Major that is more suitable to our interests. In the meantime, we will continue to treat you as the second-class citizen that you have chosen to become.
I hope this clarifies these issues for you, and I wish you the best of luck in your studies!
All my best,
Philip Theodore John, Assistant to the Assistant of Cleanliness Activities, SFSU. (Philthyjohn@sfsu.edu.)