Coincidence?

One block from my apartment lies an inconspicuous, five-story, red brick building housing a popular Subway sandwich shop (from which emanates that enticing smell of fresh-baked bread all the livelong day).

Upon closer investigation, passersby might notice a sign advertising the business that lives above Subway: our friendly, local Scientology center, where a bevy of reading materials awaits the skeptic as well as those harboring a casual interest in just what the hell those freaks do.

Periodically, one of those freaks takes up residence on the corner outside the building's entrance. Armed with a clipboard (no doubt for recording the names of firstborn children for the sacrificial gala held each year on the anniversary of L. Ron's birth), some unstylishly unkempt, typically middle-aged man in a shit-colored newsboy cap stands on the corner, attempting to reel in as many new converts as possible. If he abducts signs up more than a dozen folks a day, I imagine he earns something really spectacular, like a coffee mug plastered with earth-shaking quotes from Dianetics.

Walking past the frumpy dude in my typically brisk manner, I politely shook my head "No" (my headphones prevented me from hearing his spiel) when he attempted to stop me by thrusting his clipboard, chest-level, directly into my path.

Not three seconds later, in my haste to escape the disheveled troll, I was nearly flattened by a speeding black SUV as I crossed the intersection. I am certain that L. Ron himself, hovering above in his invisible space capsule, had a hearty laugh at my expense.

The moral of the story? Don't underestimate the power of the Scientologist on a mission.

Posted by ayelet at March 20, 2007 02:11 PM