|
|
|
|
|
Can someone please explain to me why I am utterly incapable of taking a compliment? I mean, really, painfully incapable? This has been pointed out to me on numerous occasions by well-meaning family and friends who, upon hearing my fidgety reaction to a flattering remark, are typically forced to follow it with statements like, "Just take the damn compliment!"
Last night, I was waiting on the curb for a "Walk" signal when an impeccably-dressed gentleman of about 60 warmly exclaimed, "You have such beautiful hair, young lady!" Naturally, I thanked him enthusiastically, but almost instantaneously felt a blush paint my cheeks and a sense of unease spread throughout my body. Not because of the lovely gentleman, but because of my own holy-shit-I-can't-believe-someone-just-said-something-so-nice-about-me! bullshit.
I want to be one of those people who accepts a compliment with grace and poise and composure. Most times, I am quite obviously not.
It's not as if my self-esteem is particularly low; I'd say it's healthier on some days than others, as I'm sure it is for most people out there with the good fortune and sensibility to be happy with who they are.
Still, I find it far easier to graciously accept compliments for something I have done or achieved than for my baby blues or curly mop. I imagine compliments such as those ought to be passed along to my gorgeous-eyed parents and grandparents for sharing their good genes.
Anyone else find it easier to take gentle criticism than even the sincerest of compliments?
A few days ago, I heard a compelling NPR Morning Edition report on the alarming number of U.S. soldiers committing suicide, while in Iraq or after returning home. If I remember correctly, the number of suicides was close to 100 (sadly, I have not been able to verify this anywhere). This heartbreaking statistic is mentioned so infrequently and yet it speaks volumes about the emotional toll this war has taken on our troops.
For me, such sad morsels of news are invaluable in helping me keep a realistic, positive perspective on my own life, even in the face of such personal catastrophes as the one I faced last week, when my wallet and MP3 player were brazenly stolen from my backpack while I attended to lonely cats at the SPCA shelter.
Yes, I can think of about a trillion ways to have better spent the hours I logged on the phone, canceling credit cards and making appointments to get a new driver's license, health insurance card and student ID. And yet, I was not robbed at gunpoint, my home was not violated and nothing of any real value was taken, aside from a good chunk of my trust in human nature.
No hay mal que por bien no venga: one of my new favorite Spanish sayings. Roughly translated, it means "There is no bad from which good does not come." Or something like that.
My mother said this to me when, three days after the unfortunate backpack pilfering, I called her with some fantastic news: I've been awarded the 2007 Merit Scholarship by the Society for Technical Communication. Receiving word that I'd won was a particularly proud moment for me, considering the rough road I've traveled, both financially and emotionally, for my education. I worked my little tail off putting the application together last month (with the help of my amazing sister) and seeing my efforts pay off has been incredibly rewarding. I'm especially happy to add this distinction to my resume and am nervously excited for the award presentation next month. Of course, the award will come in very handy with school expenses for this semester (including a replacement MP3, though my sensible side urges me to downgrade a bit).
Having such a low point followed so quickly by such a high point has been a valuable experience for me, in terms of embracing optimism in the face of being dealt a crappy hand. For someone who walks everywhere, being without a music source has, for lack of a better word, pretty much sucked. But then again, I've heard things on my daily walk to work or at the gym or scuttling about town that I would not have heard had I been deeply engrossed in some random melody or news broadcast. Being tuneless has opened my eyes (one would think it'd be my ears, but not so!) to things I'd have otherwise missed. And, surprisingly, I've welcomed the intrusion, as it's given me a welcome, fresh perspective on the world around me.
After months of shopping around, I finally went and got myself a new digital camera. My new little gadget isn't the fanciest of the bunch, but until it will do just fine until I can splurge on something more sophisticated.
I took full advantage of the stunningly beautiful day we were lucky to have in San Francisco today and puttered around town shooting photos in spite of the cold. (Yes, I realize it seems funny that I would consider 48 degrees cold after spending a dozen years of my life in New York, but I make no apologies. It's colder than a gynecologist's hands on a November morning.)
Top of the hill, Hyde Street, looking east
Hyde Street, looking north at Alcatraz and the SF Bay
Pacific Street, looking east toward the Bay Bridge
The American people have been hearing for weeks about this possible "troop surge" in Iraq. Surge, surge, surge. As if we're talking about electricity instead of human beings. Actual people. People who will be forced to return to Iraq, many of them for the second, third or fourth time. People who could be killed; people whose blood would further stain the hands of our president and his horribly misguided team of so-called leaders.
I don't necessarily believe sending more troops into a troubled area is a bad idea in a time of war; however (and that's a strong "however"), when there is absolutely no strategy in place for what those troops will be doing when they get there--that's when we have a grave problem. I'm not exactly well-versed in military operations, but the way I see it, the problem in Iraq is not (nor has it ever been) a lack of soldiers. The horrible situation we face there now can only be attributed to deficient strategy. And I believe that sending troops to war without basis or support or a clear plan is akin to murdering them yourself.
A young soldier facing his second deployment to Iraq was quoted in Mike Lupica's excellent column ("G.I. Deserves a Reason Why") in today's NY Daily News. If Bush & Co. won't listen to the American people on the matter of the war, perhaps they'll listen to someone who has lived it since its sad creation in 2003:
"We had a chance to do something that first summer [2003]," the soldier says. "But we dropped the ball. It wasn't the soldiers' fault. It was the fault of our leadership. That's what hurts the most now, that we did what was asked of us and weren't given the help, support or guidance we needed. And before long we weren't fighting foreign fighters and Saddam [Hussein] loyalists, we were fighting regular Iraqis."(emphasis mine)He pauses and says, "And now they want to send us back, and keep sending us back, and for what? I see now that Bush wants to send 20,000 more troops, which is supposed to include me, and I want to know why? What's the strategy?
"You want to put me back in uniform and march me back into Baghdad, then you've got to do better than our President has in telling me why, telling me what this month's plan is, what our goals really are. Because those have never been defined, not for the people on the ground, and for that I don't believe I can continue to support this lunacy."
These are questions our brave soldiers and every American deserve and are entitled to have answered. We are not debating our president on whether a change is essential in Iraq. But we want to know what good it will do to send more American soldiers to this volatile, unpredictable place. Please just tell us what this new surge of troops will be commanded to do differently than those who are already there.
Will we get answers from Bush tonight or just more carefully scripted rhetoric? Reports say he will acknowledge that mistakes have been made in Iraq; he will "attempt to justify the death of 3,000 American men and women and the wounding of 10,000 more." That's awfully kind of him, but what we Americans deserve to hear is Bush finally admitting that the mistakes in Iraq were made by his chosen leaders and not by the soldiers who are there fighting his unjustified war without the support they so deserve.
The last two weeks of 2006 were an absolute tornado of activity for me: the ink had barely dried on my final exams before I was on a plane to spend Christmas weekend visiting my grandmother, who had just had surgery and required a bit of TLC. Of course, that meant hitting the poker tables, where I managed to wrest $100 out of the hands of one particular casino. Flying back to Oakland on Christmas Day, I raced home to prepare for the arrival of my oldest and dearest friend Michele, with whom I spent a delightful 48 hours cruising the after-Christmas sales (where I happily spent my poker winnings) and braving a particularly blustery afternoon in Golden Gate Park. Oh, and eating. And walking. And more eating.
Michele’s brief stay was followed within hours by that of another out-of-town visitor who wandered the city during the day while I returned half-heartedly to work. Last Saturday, I was back at the airport, this time flying to L.A. to spend New Year’s weekend with my sister and many friends. New Year’s Eve itself was wonderfully low-key: dinner and margaritas, followed by our friend Jeremy’s always-fabulous party. I spent the weekend with people I love and joyfully greeted the new year surrounded by friends, old and new.
On New Year’s Day, Michele’s 4-year-old daughter, Emma, enthusiastically decorated my cell phone with tiny rhinestone stickers. I left most of them right where she put them.
Over brunch on Sunday, some high school friends and I discussed the year that was trickling to a close and we each shared the opinion that it had been a good one. For me, 2006 was the best year in many--a reality that I try not to take for granted, in spite of feeling like I deserved it after slogging through a few thorny years. My move to San Francisco at the tail end of 2005 has proven to be an excellent decision on my part and I’m excited to become even more rooted here as the months pass.
I am enormously optimistic about what 2007 has in store for me, my family and my friends. Best of all, it’s another year for me to continue inching closer to achieving the goals that, at long last, I’ve clearly outlined for myself.
I’ve made no resolutions for 2007, only ambitions.