So, what do I have to say for myself?

I have missed this blog terribly--the way one misses a close friend and confidant who has been incommunicado for one reason or another. The way one misses a therapist she can no longer afford because the one therapist she's really liked over the years does NOT take her insurance. Shit.

I love to write. I write for a living and have done so in various ways since I was 24 years old. I am lucky I enjoy my work. But, damn, it cuts into my personal time way too much. Who came up with the 40-hour workweek anyway? Sure, it'd be great if I could survive on 4 hours of sleep a night without killing anyone. But as it stands, I get about 6 hours of personal time each day. That's an hour in the morning to shower, drink coffee, chill with hubby, tend to cats and get dressed, then 35-40 minutes to commute to work. After work, I get about 5 hours: an hour at the gym (3 times a week), shopping, errands, occasionally seeing friends or catching a movie. Then, a 40-minute commute home, followed by shower, dinner, relaxing and reading. Another day GONE.

Oops... I didn't make time to write. Shit.

So, as part of my "doing more shit for myself in 2011" campaign, I'm going to attempt to set aside time to write at least once or twice a week, the way I once did. I may rant about politics, as I did so often throughout the last days of Dubya's first term and about half of his second. I may spew stream-of-consciousness stuff about music, as I often have in the nearly 10 years of this blog. I may ask questions, just to see if anyone's reading.

Who knows? Guess you'll have to stay tuned to find out.

Crowded House - "Don't Dream it's Over"

Last month, I had the privilege of seeing Crowded House perform live at Bowery Ballroom, possibly my favorite NYC venue. I had seen them 5 or 6 times before, in different incarnations, but Bowery was the most intimate of venues. Seriously, on their 2007 tour, I saw them at a beautiful, but huge, theater in Oakland, CA. This was infinitely better.

CH shows are typically packed with loyal fans who sing along with every tune, not just their big hit, "Don't Dream it's Over" (which, I've been surprised to notice at their shows, is the second-biggest sing-along of the night, after "Weather With You.") Neil Finn and Co. engage in witty banter among themselves and have a fantastic rapport with their audience--better than nearly any live act I've seen.

I'd been a fan of Split Enz since 1981, when my brother and I got this awesome compilation LP called "The Beat (New Wave Hits)" or something like that. I seem to remember us getting it for free, as some kind of promo. Anyway, it included the Split Enz gem, "I Got You." And we played the effing CRAP out of that record. Seriously, the sleeve was so worn out it looked like we'd run it through the dishwasher. Along with Split Enz, the track listing included Billy Idol - "Hot Child in the City," Kim Wilde - "Kids in America," OMD, Duran Duran, Flock of Seagulls and others. KROQ sometimes played "Six Months in a Leaky Boat," too, so I was familiar with Split Enz.

Then, in 1986, Crowded House came along and "Don't Dream it's Over" was ALL OVER the radio and I loved it and I bought the album and I loved all the tracks and was so excited when KROQ started playing the second single, "Something So Strong." MTV aired the video a bit, too, and I'm thinking, "Cool--everyone seems to like these guys!"

But when their sophomore album, "Temple of Low Men," was released in 1988, it got a trickle of airplay for the lovely "Better Be Home Soon" and then kind of fizzled. Same with their 1991 album, "Woodface," which I absolutely adore and which holds major sentimental value for me, as I purchased it immediately following a life-changing event. I've purchased every one of their albums since, including Neil's solo stuff and the albums Neil and Tim recorded as Finn Brothers.

Nowadays, no piece written about CH fails to mention "Don't Dream it's Over" as their one hit. But, folks, that's only in the U.S.! They've had far greater success in their native New Zealand, in Australia, in the UK and all over Europe. A bunch of their singles that barely cracked the airwaves here were huge sellers everywhere else!

So, with that, I hereby contest Crowded House's standing as a one-hit wonder. Just ask the 300+ screaming fans at the Bowery Ballroom last month (and at their sold-out shows around the world this year). Sure, most are in their 40s or older and not what one might call "hip," but fuck if they (and I) didn't have a fabulous time grooving to CH for a full TWO & A HALF HOURS. Who plays that long anymore?! Neil Finn is one of the world's greatest, unsung (pun intended) songwriters and if he only has one "hit" to show for it in the U.S., so be it. He's laughing all the way to the bank.

P.S. I bought their new album, "Intriguer," last week and I challenge anyone to name more than a handful of artists still writing and playing beautiful, thoughtful, relevant music 30 YEARS into their careers. One-hit wonder, my ass!

I have genuinely missed writing about music and have been crafting rants, raves, blog posts and other musicabilianess here and there.

One idea that has floated round my brain for years is a series I'll call SIFA, or Songs I'd Forgotten About (but have recently rediscovered and still love). A few gems:

1. "Sara" and "Hold Me" - Fleetwood Mac

Easily tied for my favorite Mac songs. I hadn't heard either in years till one recent day, "Sara" came on the radio and I fell in love all over again. Anyone who knows me knows I'm an unabashed, lifelong lover of radio. When I was a child, my family and I flew between New York and L.A. almost every year. As soon as I was strapped into my seat, I'd hungrily rip the plastic off those (free!) plastic headphones, plug 'em into my armrest and spend the entire flight surfing the radio channels. Certain songs never fail to remind me of those flights: "Sara" is absolutely one of them, others include Prince's "I Wanna Be Your Lover," the Eagles' "I Can't Tell You Why" and Diana Ross's "Theme from Mahogany."

But back to Fleetwood Mac. I could listen to "Hold Me" ten times in a row without tiring of it--it's one of those truly masterful pop songs. It easily transports me back to the summer of 1982, when I was 10: Mirage was one of my first LP purchases and "Hold Me" was in heavy rotation on MTV, feeding my Lindsey Buckingham crush.

2. "Tusk" - Fleetwood Mac

I rediscovered this--plus a few other Fleetwood Mac goodies--when I went to download "Sara." Fleetwood Mac certainly doesn't rank in my top 10 or even top 20 favorite bands (they might make the top 25 if I forgive them for "Oh Well"), but I've always admired their songwriting, harmonizing and musicianship. They're solid. Plus, since watching a VH-1 "Behind the Music" special on Stevie Nicks about a decade ago, I can't forget the sheer volume of songs that have poured out of this woman. We're talking HUNDREDS. Look up "prolific" in the dictionary and there's a photo of her, in all her billowing glory.

3. "I've Been Losing You" - a-Ha

I almost hate to get off the Fleetwood Mac track, but I've been listening to this song quite a bit lately and I appreciate it far more than I did when I first heard a-Ha in the 80s. Like every other giddy teen, I adored "Take on Me," bought the 45 and sat glued to the TV whenever the video aired. Then, they released "The Sun Always Shines on TV," which I liked even MORE than "Take on Me" and which pushed me to buy their first album. Upon listening, I discovered another gem, the hauntingly beautiful title song, "Hunting High and Low."

A couple years later, when a-Ha released their second album, Scoundrel Days, our local New Wave station, KROQ, started playing the singles "I've Been Losing You" and "Cry Wolf" regularly. I liked both songs and was pleasantly surprised that a-Ha hadn't disappeared after their first wave of success.

(Which brings me to another list I'd like to explore eventually: BUCOW, or Bands Unfairly Categorized as One-hit Wonders. Tune in for that later.)

A-ha certainly fits into that category. Most people only recall "Take on Me" for the catchy pop gem it was, but these guys were actually quite a good band with a handful of well-crafted pop tunes. To my teenage self, it helped that they were cute and photogenic and stylish. But when that fades, what you have left is a pop group as good as Duran Duran or Erasure but who are, sadly, mostly remembered as a one-hit wonder.

More to come in my SIFA series at a later date. Whenever I spend considerable time away from this blog, I eventually come to the overpowering realization that I need it. I just do.

I gotta say, though, while enmeshed in website updates and new projects (see below), I do miss the simple art of writing. Even my journal has sat unopened these past few months. But I'm working my way back!

A few things I've wanted to share:

One thing I love about my 30-minute morning and evening subway commute is looking around to see what everyone's reading. I've picked up many a book after becoming interested in it upon seeing it in someone's hands on the subway. A few weeks ago, I saw a young professional guy reading a book that interested me, so I made a mental note to add it to my ever-growing "Books to Read" list.

Of course, with my nearly middle-aged brain, I'd forgotten the title by the time I could make a note of it. Oh well.

A day or two later, BEHOLD! Same guy, getting on at the same stop (downtown Brooklyn), reading the SAME book! It was kismet. This time I wrote down the title and author and later that week, Jason picked it up at the library for me.

(It was Speaking Freely, about First Amendment cases being tried in NYC and the U.S. Supreme Court. Sadly, it didn't hold my interest long enough to do more than skim a few chapters, but still, I gleaned some tidbits from it.)

What else?

Finally, the long-awaited opening of Dutch Boy Burger, a joint across the street from our apartment, run by the people at Franklin Park round the corner. It's been packed since opening last week, but we look forward to trying it.

Lastly, I've been working closely with a few neighborhood friends and colleagues on a community organization designed to benefit our unique enclave of Brooklyn, straddling the Prospect Heights/Crown Heights border. We are called Franklin Avenue Creative Endeavors (FACES) and I look forward to sharing more with you as we get up and running.

For now, our website is taking shape at FranklinAve.org.

In the daylight hours, we'd sift through the mess that remained in our house, but none of us felt safe enough to stay indoors overnight without electricity and with the threat of aftershocks doing further damage while we slept.

Still, we had food. We had water. We had toilets we could flush with buckets of water from our swimming pool. We could bathe. We had radios with batteries and cars with fuel and working engines we could run to keep us warm at night. We had no streetlights or TV or open supermarkets, but our week of inconvenience was nothing that could be described as desolation.

What I can relate to is the lack of communication family members and friends have been coping with in Haiti. (Or, at least my sister can. She was studying abroad in England when the earthquake hit and--upon seeing images on the news of the quake in her hometown 6,000 miles away--could not reach any of us by phone for a frantic couple of days.)

So, I can relate. And yet I can't. The magnitude of death and despair and desperate need for food, water and medical care are far beyond the realm of anything I can imagine. And yet the fear--that's something I know. I know the terror that explodes from within at the first rumbling of an aftershock. I know how hard it is to forget that deafening sound of the earth fiercely shaking, walls shifting, glass breaking, alarms and sirens going off, transformers exploding and fires burning across the city.

I know how it feels to wonder if you'll ever feel normal again, ever be able to go to sleep at night without the fear of being jerked awake (though one stroke of luck for the Haitians was that the quake happened in broad daylight--most won't have the added element of fear of darkness). I was always somewhat of an anxious person and I am well aware of the L.A. earthquake's effect on my general anxiety level. It changed my emotional and mental landscape, to be certain. But in spite of the fear I lived with for so long, I am fortunate enough to have walked away physically unscathed, as did my loved ones.

If only the people of Haiti could say the same.

In the often wacky world of weddings, brides are generally depicted and/or perceived as elated, joyful, even jubilant. Once the hectic wedding period is over, newlyweds fall into a state of bliss and ecstasy, gleefully opening gifts, setting up house and planning their idyllic future now that they’ve entered the coveted realm of marriage. It's all romance and sunshine and smiles.

What’s harder to find—on the myriad wedding websites, in countless books and magazines or anywhere else—is a realistic depiction of newly-married life. It's new. And it's scary and overwhelming and... did I mention new?

I have been married less than 2 months, so I am hardly a credible commentator on the joys or troubles of marriage. Last week, Jason asked me to share my feelings about this past month of our lives. I stumbled over my answer. Meanwhile, my new husband coolly asserted it has been the happiest month of his life, to which I smiled and remembered why I adore him so.

To say it has been a roller-coaster would be not only a cliché, but an understatement. My married friends warned me that the weeks leading up to the wedding (as well as the event itself) go by in a blur of planning, organizing, preparing and coordinating and finally, celebrating. We excitedly counted down the days to our wedding, only to have the day spring itself on us as if unannounced, then whizzing by in a magical haze of hugs, kisses, handshakes and clinking glasses.

Then, our parents and siblings left town, along with various other relatives and friends making their way back to the west coast or points elsewhere. We got our gifts put away, thank-you cards written, follow-up phone calls made, house straightened out, rings resized. Things seemed to settle down and return to normal for us. With one minor exception: we are now legally bound to one another. Our lives are intertwined in a way they've never been with anyone else before, involving our families, our finances, our health and everything in between.

As someone who has always relished her independence and enjoyed, for the most part, her singlehood, I've struggled with conflicting emotions: The joy and elation of sharing my life with someone I intend to stick with and whose company I intend to enjoy until I'm too old to enjoy much else, coupled with anxiety over sharing my life so completely and openly with another human being. I'm aware that this is my own crap and I'm dealing with it. And when I'm feeling overwhelmed by it all, I just remember I'm not the first, the second or even the millionth newlywed to experience these emotions.

Then, I cuddle up to my husband and wrap my arms around him and everything else falls away. That's when I know it's all worth it.

The flowers exploded in rich, fall color around the perimeter of the fountain and nary a cloud appeared in the bluest of skies. "Lucky" is too small a word to describe how we felt (and how I'm sure our 80 guests felt, enjoying the glorious garden without the need for umbrellas!).

It was a truly perfect day and I'm still slightly dazed and emotional three days later. Countless thoughts, images and emotions swirling around in my head today... I know I'll need to get them all out sooner or later! Meanwhile, thanks to everyone for the warm wishes of luck and congratulations. We are truly blessed.

The Do's & Don'ts of 99-cent Store Shopping

DO BUY

Spices and herbs: Canadian-based Encore makes FDA-approved seasonings, spices and herbs you can find at many Brooklyn dollar stores.

Gift wrap: The recipient probably won’t notice if you spent on "good" wrapping paper—most times, it’s ripped up and tossed within 5 minutes.

Laundry detergent & cleanser: If you don’t balk at big names, try these instead: Trend (made by Dial), Suavitel (Colgate-Palmolive) or Ariel (Procter & Gamble). Among household cleaners, Spic ‘n Span is from the same manufacturer as Comet, but a lot cheaper.

Pregnancy tests: Dollar-store pregnancy tests are under $5 and detect HCG at the same levels as more expensive, name-brand tests.

Shampoo: Often, dollar stores have name-brands like V05 and Suave, but try out Hairvitalize, Fruitamin and Johnson Parker’s line—all $1.50 or less.

Baby wipes: You can get 80 for under $1.50. Sleek Sensations, one common brand, is hypo-allergenic and alcohol-free; Soffs wipes have aloe and vitamin E.

Kitchen utensils: A stainless steel whisk is the same at a dollar store as anywhere else. But stay away from dollar-store can openers—they never seem to work!

DON’T BUY

Batteries: Most dollar-store batteries are carbon-zinc, which drain very quickly. Look for alkaline—they last much longer.

Toothpaste: Some dollar-store toothpaste (even name-brand) is made in other countries, and may contain many times the amount of fluoride allowed by the ADA. Check the label.

Vitamins (dollar-store brand): In a 2004 study, over half the dollar-store multi-vitamins they tested were missing at least one listed nutrient.

Electronics: They can contain undersized wiring, which poses the risk of overheating. Be sure the product is UL certified.

Toys: Many have sharp edges or pieces that can be easily swallowed. No-name packages don’t always include the appropriate age range for the toy and many have been recalled for containing lead paint.

Jewelry: Also has been recalled for having high levels of lead.

*I know--it's a copout. I have so much I want to write about my emotions leading up to my wedding and I've been trying to organize my scattered thoughts in a way that won't leave me or anyone else completely flummoxed. I hope I can soon write something coherent to express the myriad emotions I'm experiencing these days. Most of all, I am excited and exhilarated!

8. Bush Wears Crocs: Particularly when he practices speeches.

7. Bush Nicknamed Speechwriter Jonathan Horn "Horny":This is not surprising at all, just funny.

6. Bush Is Arrogant About Things He Shouldn't Be Arrogant About: "I know it sounds arrogant to say," he told Latimer, “but I redefined the Republican Party."

5. Bush Takes Pride in Thinking up Very Simple Jokes: “If bullshit was currency,” he said straight-faced, “Joe Biden would be a billionaire.”

4. Bush Refers to People As "Cat": "We got to make this understandable for the average cat," he said of one speech.

3. Bush Didn't Have Much Regard for Barack Obama: Bush remarked, "This guy has no clue, I promise you."

2. Bush Didn't Understand His Administration's Own Economic Proposals: “We’re buying low and selling high,” Bush kept saying about the Treasury's plan to snap up troubled mortgages. The problem was that his proposal didn’t work like that. One of Bush's staff members anxiously pulled a few of us aside. “The president is misunderstanding this proposal,” he warned. “He has the wrong idea in his head.”

Eventually, Bush, exasperated, deliver[ed] a classic line: "Why did I sign on to this proposal if I don’t understand what it does?" he asked.

1. Bush Was Remarkably Prescient About Sarah Palin: Right after Palin was selected as John McCain's running mate...Bush delivered what would become a spot-on assessment of her liabilities: "This woman is being put into a position she is not even remotely prepared for," he said. "She hasn’t spent one day on the national level. Neither has her family. Let’s wait and see how she looks five days out." Never mind the fact that Bush, when he ran for president, also lacked experience on the national level.

To this day, a sense of disbelief prevails.

Now, years later, when I watch coverage of the events of that day, I am struck with a feeling of loss not unlike what I've felt for a beloved pet. It's as though I've spent the past eight years mourning a trusted friend. And still, I mourn for those buildings and the lives lost inside them. I have read, talked and thought quite a bit about 9/11 since that day, but have always tried to avoid visual imagery. It's too painful to see the look of fear and sorrow on witnesses' faces, to see images of firefighters rushing in to the buildings, of the buildings themselves crumbling with so many souls inside.

Yet, this year, I could not tear myself away from the images. I felt as though I owed it to the victims and the towers themselves to revisit that day, to remember and to reflect. I needed to remind myself how fortunate and how grateful I am to have survived that day and to have not lost anyone close to me. Watching the news with Jason, I laid my head in his lap and and held him close, remembering the overwhelming loneliness I felt on the night of 9/11, when I did not have him (or anyone) beside me on the couch as I am so lucky to have now.

After Jason went to bed, I watched a couple of hours of A&E's coverage with a very heavy heart, but a sense of duty to the victims and the towers themselves not to change the channel. I felt I owed it to myself and to those who were sacrificed to reflect as intensely as I did this year, after so many years of passively marking the anniversary. I realized you don't need to lose a family member or dear friend to be in mourning. I still mourn.

The first anniversary of the attacks was easily the hardest. Wall-to-wall coverage in the NYC and national media, everyone still so very raw and shocked and sad. The entire island of Manhattan seemed to be covered in a fog that first year, denser in certain areas and among certain groups of people. You could see it in people's faces and sense it almost instinctively when a stranger on the subway or the sidewalk was telling you with their eyes, "I know."

On the first anniversary of the attacks, the NY Times published a section featuring the names and photos of everyone who died. When you hear a death toll expressed as a number (in this case, 2,752), it's an abstract, intangible thing, hard to visualize in terms of real quantity.

I tried to avoid the news all day, but when I arrived at Jason's apartment that night, I saw he had taped each page of the NY Times spread along the wall in his hallway. Photo after photo after photo after photo. It was so utterly devastating to see all those faces--real people, in the flesh, not just a number in a news article. I stared at that wall for a long time, unable to tear myself away. I marveled at the magnitude. I mourned all those people I'd never met and the impact their deaths had on me, my friends, my family, my city.

I felt similarly the first time I visited the Vietnam War Memorial in Washington, D.C. All those names etched in stone. You walk along that wall and the names just keep coming, thousands upon thousands. It is a simple, yet extremely powerful represenation. Similar, too, and with a great deal of personal meaning for me: the schoolchildren who collected 11 million paperclips to represent and honor the total lives lost during the Holocaust.

In successive years, the anniversary of 9/11 has gotten easier, but no less powerful. When I moved from NYC in 2004, I experienced the anniversary for the first time without people around me who'd been there. I cried in private that lonely year, but also in public, during a screening of "Fahrenheit 911." I was 3,000 miles from my city, watching the movie in a packed northern California cinema, not expecting imagery from that day to appear on the screen and make me explode in tears. The screen faded to black. The theatre fell silent; mine were the only sobs.

Poor souls jumped from the World Trade Center towers. That was, and still is, the part of that day's events that is most difficult for me to accept. I have tried putting myself in their shoes countless times, tried to imagine what they felt--the confusion, the terror, the helplessness--and I know I can never even begin to comprehend what they felt. I am nauseous just writing about it now. It's still so shocking, after all these years. Will it ever cease to be so?

Even now, whenever I find myself in lower Manhattan, my heart aches. When I go home to Brooklyn or cross the river into New Jersey and look back at the skyline, I feel lost and brokenhearted taking in its altered appearance. Something will always be missing from the view.

My heart is heavy today, though, like millions of Americans, I'm moving through my typical workday routine, drinking my coffee, reading my email, wishing co-workers a good morning and a good weekend. Lots of people saying "Never forget" today. As if we need to be told.

Because we have become more active in our community since the advent of our weekly flea market and creative collective, the simple act of coming home at the end of the day has become a social event. While I have met a neighbor here and there in the various buildings I've called home in New York, I've never walked down the streets of my neighborhood and encountered so many people I know by name or face. I'm constantly waving hello across a street or stopping for a quick "How's it going?" as I scurry about. It's a welcome change and it adds to the growing charm of our otherwise rough-around-the-edges neighborhood.

Given my warm feelings on this hot and sticky Friday, I thought it was time for a shout-out to some of our notable neighbors (at least those with web presence):

I Love Franklin Ave -- interesting and informative local blog with features and photos by Nick
Planet Ert --run by our dear friends, the supremely talented Robert and Danyel
The Artist Known as Kev -- another flea market regular and gifted friend, Kevin
Nostrand Park -- local blog featuring two contributors, Ferentz and Laurel, who have documented our flea market and keep us up-to-date on local happenings
Crown Heights Creative

Local businesses we like:

Bristen's Eatery -- lovely outdoor patio and great sandwiches
Franklin Park -- welcoming bar and beer garden with outdoor patio and relaxed vibe
Bombay Masala restaurant -- delicious Indian food, friendly staff AND they show Bollywood music videos on a big screen!
Nam's Fruit & Veggie Market -- our fine local produce market
Homage Burger Bar
Lily and Fig Bakery & Tea Shop
About Time
Cafe Shane